Price to pay

Amateurs can improve by 5 or 6 stones, but we professionals don't have so much room for improvement...
- Go Seigen 

As I'm writing my first novel the thought of foreshadowing, connections between characters, originality etc. really stop me from getting good word counts, as I'm trying to reach higher than what my pay grade (which, if we talk about pays from writing literally, I don't have right now, ofcourse) can handle consistently, it really stops me from writing constantly. It's not that I hit a writer's block or anything of the sort, I simply go back and read what I've written and explore, develop and flesh out that content because I know it's not good enough. I don't think "nothing is good enough", however, so it's not that I'd decide to throw away my creations. I just have little knack to writing itself, not creating stories, so everything becomes jumbled in the story itself. For example I had written a scenario of three chapters where in the first the main character had gotten to a certain point and during writing I simply just somehow forgot what I was doing, and went to a whole other plot point in the future suddenly, skipping alot of content I should have written. As I reread the first chapter I managed to write it as I wanted to, but while I was focusing on that, I forgot about what the second chapter contained in it and had to rewrite that also. It's too hard to remember places, names, distances, connections, foreshadowing, character traits, moralities, messages, symbolism, jokes, events etc. that happen as an amateur writer because I'm not used to planning out the stories nor do I have a working place where I could focus on papers or something like that if I go back to a certain plot point, I simply don't have anything else than a Word-ripoff to go back to if I need to remember something. Oh well, all in due time. It's in my style to climb the ladder the hard way and take too much time in learning something. As they say, you can't teach old dog new tricks.

Worthless feeling of achievement after achieving.

It's comparable to like how unknown countries in the areas of boxing and wrestling start wanting to become like the top dogs in the World. Makwan "Mr. Finland", a new pro UFC wrestler, once said that he will take UFC to Finland one day, to get rid of that ridicilous cheap skin belt with a sticker on it that they give to Finland's overweight/skinny "pro" wrestlers and swap it to that heavy, precious and shiny gold belt with an infinite price of worth in money and pride together that they give to wrestlers of the UFC in America. What a nice feeling it would be to throw that skin belt your dog keeps biting on every, that belt that you know holds no value and hold that gold package over your shoulder as you walk back to the dressing room, beaten up from a long fight that felt like an eternity and sweaty like and ESL CS player but with an amazing feeling of accomplishment you know you'll get only once in a lifetime. Something to remember back to when you get back to boring days with bad weather and nothing but pressure and depression once again.

 And now I'll take my time to listen to Jonathan Young's Zero to Hero from Hercules musical again.

True value is hard to get your hands on and almost impossible to achieve because everyone wants it.